So today I was called in to do SAT testing as a room supervisor at Palomar College. Palomar college is where I worked for over three years. That is where I also met and worked with an ex girlfriend of mine. So of course some of the people I do the SAT with still work at Palomar and are fully aware of my debacle of a love life. So of course this one girl Leah comes right up to me and ask if I'm single. Which I replied that I am, which I am sort of. So I'm sort of messing around with this girl from work, it's nothing serious but I realized after my last work/love attempt that is probably not the best idea. Which means that I'm going to end it soon (which is for the best). Then I see Rick who is one of the hardest working men on campus, who I happened to get along with while I was working at Palomar. So we chat it up for a bit and then he says oh by the way I made a faux paw. I asked him what was the Feaux Paw? He tells me he was talking to Jessica (my ex) and he asked her about me and didn't realize we weren't together anymore. Basically this was his way of trying to get information about what had happened between the two of us. So I just replied with we moved into our new place and ten days later she left and never came back. Which is essentially true, sure she came back to pick up a few things but it doesn't change that she left and never returned to stay with me. I really don't like talking about it for a couple of reasons. One it's between me and that other person and is no one else's business. Secondly I don't like being reminded of my failures. Some people might say well it's not completely your fault there were two people In the relationship. And to that I would reply ok sure but I still made the decision to have a relationship with her and conciously put forth the effort to maintain a healthy relationship and in the end it wasn't enough. Or I can look at it as I was in love with someone who was incapable of being loved ( :-( or at least being loved by me). Lastly I just want to move on, it sucks so much that I got involved with someone I work with. That's why I'm going to end the little fling at my other job immediately. I don't want to feel the way I did when I was working here with an ex of mine here at Palomar. I just want to wake up one day and not think back to that period of time. Yes there were some amazing times shared, but if they were so amazing why didn't the relationship work out? Probably because they were not that amazing. I also think about the times when she left me and I was alone, accused of being this controlling dickface. Or when I would sit there thinking about her and what went wrong when I'm sure of the fact that she could give two shits about my existence. Life isn't fair and that's not going to change anytime soon. The point is it's in the past and it's not something I want to relive or think about anymore. I just want to move on and stay happy. I definitely learned a thing or two from that nightmare, but hopefully like a nightmare it's something that only happens so often, and hopefully I only think about her when I sleep this way when I wake up I won't remember thinking about her.
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