A not so good week but I'm okay.

So my week started off not so good, which was an inclination to what I had to look forward to. So in my Ecology class around 9 o clock on Monday I discovered that a marine I had served with had died while serving over in Afghanistan. When something like this happens I'm usually pretty down for about a week or so. I don't know all the details yet. But he was a good Marine and an even better person, you will be missed. Then a girl I had been crushing on since last semester (we'll just call her NIGL) is pregnant. Then another girl I was supposed to be set up with, or at least just meet because a friend thought we would hit it off, was set up by another friend, so that opportunity has gone down the drain. After that string of bad news I went on Facebook to discover that a favorite band of mine is calling it quits after ten years. I'm bummed about the band because I listened to them more than other bands consistently and their music was able to bring out different emotions in me, which is hard for any type of music to do. I'm also bummed because they were from Canada and I never got to see them perform live once. These are all issues that are out of my control but I'm still aloud to be bothered by them (forgive me for caring).

To my fallen brothers and to all previous and future comrades keep fighting the good fight your deaths are not in vain and you will never be forgotten. As for NIGL at first I was grossed out at the fact you were pregnant. It even bothered me how you'd talk about how excited you were and look forward to having the baby. I think just part of me was jealous. Honestly I can only hope, no scratch that........ I can't wait until I meet someone that I want to have a kid with and I can only hope that she is half as stoked as you are to be having a baby. All in due time I suppose......Speaking of due time I can't be too bummed about the other girl I was supposed to meet and be set up with, it's no surprise she met someone else. That's fine with me because I'm a little more traditional anyways.

Call me a hopeless romantic (or probably something more derogatory) but I like when I meet a girl on my own and it's not so facilitated. Call it fate if you will, it's the same reason I don't go on dating websites. When I grow old with the person I love (as cheesy as it sounds) I want to look back and tell my grand kids that "I met your grandmother at......," not that I met the woman of my dreams on a dating website that I paid for. I've gone on dating websites before and I've had success, but it didn't feel right. Now a days I find myself meeting woman with children, drug problems, obesity, and or woman that like me but I have no desire to be intimate with. I really don't think my criteria is too demanding, but I'm in no rush, so I guess it's all in due time; All in due time. I'll just keep putting my best foot forward and smiling.



If things seem to be overwhelming, I'll just focus my energy into this bad boy and crossfit even harder.

 



I've never been one to beg pardon but I'm on my knees! I've tried my best to smile, but it's hard when you look up for the stars, and ask the sky when they're coming back. ..........Frustration. I guess I'll cover up my frustration acting like a super secret agent who lets everyone know how awesome he is (that's a joke) but Archer is pretty bad ass!

.

Signed sincerely me

In between.... (you, me, and the stars)

I'm 27 years old and I'm healthier than I've ever been. I have a good job, great friends, an amazing dog, but I can't help feeling like something or should I say someone is missing. It's been 10 months since the person I was so madly in love with walked out on me. As far as emotionally goes, that is the worst pain and sorrow that I've ever endured. Honestly I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. At least if your dead it's over and you don't have to deal with the memories of past experiences, or the mental anguish from lost love. Half of me feels like what I just stated, but then the other half of me knows that I'm better off without her. Everyone that knew us knows how good I was to her, with the exception of your friends who I'm pretty sure never liked me anyways. Everyone that has been around her long enough knows, including your friends. We all know someone like her; someone that makes excuses not to find a good guy, or when they do find a good guy they make excuses to justify how he isn't a good guy. For her this pattern will repeat itself and she will probably never grow out of it. I don't even think she knows she does it but than again that's not my concern anymore....

Even if she were to contact me I would just avoid it (like I do). I have nothing to say, when you walk out on someone and leave them, how do you think they would react. You are basically saying "Go F yourself, I don't care." So forgive me if I pretend like you don't exist outside of my blog, which I'm pretty sure is more credit and time then you would ever give me. I have a question for her; At the end of the day when you go home and have no one to share your success, accolades, and grievances with, and I mean really share these things with some one (not friends) where will you be? I don't even think I'm bitter anymore because at least now I can talk about it without the attachment of emotion. I'm just bothered by a couple of things/mistakes I made which I will list in a numerical order.

1. I was never as much in love as I was in love with you.

I never in a million years imagined the person I would have these feelings for could be as heartless in return when it was all said and done. But then again I never though I'd be that much in love and have the other person walk out on me. Now I live life for myself, so I guess that is a positive.

2. All the warning signs were there but I was so blinded by love I chose to ignore them.

All the major problems we had always came from you. I know there are two people in a relationship but fuck me you had a lot of issues. Which didn't mean anything because I accepted you for who you are. All I ever wanted was you, just as you were but even that was too much for you too handle. I know there are two sides to a story, and there were two parties involved, but the blame falls on you. I'm not saying I was perfect in the relationship but holy shit if there were a badge for being a fucking trooper and sticking it out through thick and thin, I would've been a three time recipient.

3. Now I deal with the consequences of the fallout.

Do you remember when we were at the animal shelter getting Optimus Prime? You probably don't, who are we kidding. Let me remind you, when were standing outside in the lobby waiting to go inside and meet Sunny AKA Optimus Prime you asked me "What's wrong?" I replied nothing but that wasn't entirely true I was thinking if we split it's gonna suck because I'm gonna miss that little guy (which I do). Sure I could get another cat, but that's not the same. It's consequences that I was aware of but because I thought I was so in love I didn't care. Like getting involved with someone I worked with. I was at Palomar for three years and made a few friends. Well it's your office now so I don't really go by there, granted I have no reason too. But it would be nice to go in and not feel like I'm on egg shells or have people think I'm there because you work there. Just more consequences at this point. If those are the worst then so be it I think I'll live.

Even at my worst, time still travels on. The sun still will shine in the sky. The stars will still shimmer at night. Even if somethings missing and I don't think it's right. I know me and Jager will be alright.

Signed sincerely me

http://youtu.be/Pn-6eOxnEMI

Reclaiming places for myself (thank you friends)

So last night I went to Benihana's with Mike W and Christie (Mike W's lady friend). It was nice to go out with friends after a long week of work and school. I wasn't sure how I would feel after going to Benihana's after a year of not going. Benihana's was a restaurant that was reserved for me and someone that was once the love of my life. There has been a list of places in my mind that I have avoided because I just didn't want to think about her. So last night I was concerned that I might be a "Debbie Downer" or perhaps tear up. But I am happy to report that I reclaimed a place for myself that was once considered off limits. It's refreshing to throw away things from your past and replace those old memories with people that care about you. After reflecting about last night, it made me realize that the people who were your friends before certain people come in/out of your life will remain your friends, because they care about you. The people that come in and out of your life never really cared and never really mattered (just lessons learned at best). After Benihana's we went over to D street and Encinitas and raged. I had a blast mingling with strangers and chatting it up with some cute blond woman. Then towards the end of the night some dude came up to me telling me about how his ex girlfriend was calling him up. He goes on to tell me that his friends told him to be done with it and stay away. I told him he should listen to his friends, but he seemed more interested in the short sighted goal :-/ Oh well I can't harp on the guy. Like myself some of us just have to learn the hard way.

This week in crossfit was a week that used a lot of heavy weights in the workouts, which is in my favor, but man am I sore. On Saturday my favorite coach was coaching (Ashley), she's a good trainer and not bad to look at while I'm working out ( motivation (-: haha in the event she reads this YES I think your good looking!). It was a small class like 6 people. After the WOD (workout of the day) Mac accused me of not doing all the reps. I didn't think much of it at the time, but F that noise! I always do all the reps and put 100% into each WOD. He has to have a big set of balls to call me out in front of the group. I did beat him by two minutes (that's why he was butt hurt) but I did explain that I didn't RX the candle stick portion of the workout and that where I blew by him. Oh well I can't be concerned with haters. My results speak for them self and I'm glad he has time to be concerned with my number of reps as well as his own :-)

Well I gotta get ready for work. See you guys next time and a special shout out to my friends for being who they are......... thanks for just being honest and having the ability to care for someone besides yourself.

Signed sincerely me.........

Imogen Heap-hide and seek

So I was in my bedroom sorting laundry before I go into work and this song came on by Imogen Heap. The lyrics towards the end of the song struck a cord with me. The lyrics go something like this.....

"Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit."

I'm not sure why I spend time thinking about someone that doesn't think about me at all (just one of those nights I guess). I'm just gonna sit in silence for a bit....

Signed sincerely me.....

Keeping the ball rolling......

So last week was a very productive and exciting week for me. It was the end of my 60 day nutrition challenge which I was competing in through my gym. There were four test that we conducted and 60 days later we would revisit those test and compare our results. The first test was a one mile run. The second test was a max one repitition deadlift. The third test was a 4 burpee 8 clean jerks (@75lbs) and 12 sit ups and repeat for time in 7 minutes. The last test was max pull ups in one minute without releasing off the bar. Here were my results after 60 days.
1. My mile run went from 7:13 to 6:17
2. My one rep max deadlift went from 305lbs to 365lbs
3. My 7 minute workout went from 5 rounds three burpees to 8 rounds 11 sit ups.
4. My pull ups went from 12 to 18.
After the results were in people at my gym voted and I took second place. Congrats to Morgan on winning that guy has been busting has butt.

After they announced the results on Saturday, it was time to get ready for the Carlsbad 5k with some of the people from Crossfit Trifecta. We made sure that we represented the gray, black, and yellow properly for this event.

 The run went well I did it in 24 minutes, that isn't the most amazing time but I started in the back of the pack and the first two-three minutes was all about weaving around people rather than trying to set a good pace. After the run a few of us went to have celebratory pizza. That was exciting because some of us including me havent had cheese or bread in 60 days, so the reward was epic! It was nice to hangout from people from the gym, I feel alot of them are like minded and strive to be better athletes as well as more fit which is right up my alley. Although the nutrition challenge is over it doesnt mean that I'm ending anything. This is just the beginning to a new diet that I will continue to work on as well as improve upon my crossfit skills. Being gluten free/dairy free is challenging and I do miss eating bread, grain, pasta, and cereal. But the fact I've lost 20+ lbs and put on muscle the way I have is amazing and I'm not stopping anytime soon. See you all next time. Staa positive and always pursue success :-)

Signed sincerely me.........