I'm not going to mention any names in this particular blog because I don't want any one's feelings to get hurt and or label anyone. But I will say that this blog involves a friend who is very near and dear to me and he has blond hair (
Hana those who know me know who I am talking about). So for the past couple of months my friend has been dating a girl who after our first hang out; I was very skeptical of. The reason I bring up my skepticism is because after that initial hang out she friend requested me on facebook, and I declined her request. Then the next hangout she asked me
"why I didn't accept her friend request?" I told her
"because when she screws over my friend I don't want to have to delete her off of my facebook." I then went on to say that "you can be my friend in real life," which is more valuable than the petty social status of facebook. Also I am very protective of my homies.
Fast forward to present day and guess what? They are not seeing each other, to my knowledge. She told him that they should be friends, and from my point of view that is fine because it seemed that they have different goals in life. What I mean by my last sentence is that my friend is an extremely healthy person and exercises regularly. While on the other hand the girl he was seeing excessively drank, smoked, and her idea of a workout consisted of opening and shutting her laptop more than three times a day. Now I am not one to judge someone on their lifestyle choices because I too used to excessively drink and I smoked liked a chimney as well. But for my friend, I felt like her lifestyle was counter productive to my friends goals. I don't think two people need to be clones of eachother but those two didn't compliment one another very well. I know for a fact my friend argued with her about her smoking. Which I can tell you from personal experience; if you are not comfortable with your significant other smoking, you have three options as I see it. The first option is to accept it, be quiet about the subject, and focus on the things that you do like about her (
your best option). The second option is to try to change her and control aspects of her life because you don't like them (
if you try to do this YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE). The third option is to bring up the subject at an appropriate time and ask her feelings on the subject of her smoking (
this option is as useless as the second option, reverting to option one is the best choice because at the end of the day a person is going to quit smoking when THEY are ready, whenever that may be). An issue I had with this girl is that everywhere we went she would point out a guy she had slept with (
literally everywhere we went). It's one thing for that to be true or be in the past, but I clearly don't see the need in broadcasting that publicly. I recently had a sincere conversation about
the subject with this girl, and this is going to be the
MEAT & POTATOES OF THIS BLOG.
I used to be the kind of person that I wanted to know every and anything about the person I was dating. I used to want to know about who she had been with and what not, but from trial and error have found out that is a bad idea. I've learned that if you spend enough time with someone you can find out all that you need to know, and you can learn a lot more from an individuals current actions then you can trying to judge them by their past. A persons past is in the past, now I'm not saying that excuses murderers and rapist, but no one is perfect and just worry about how they conduct themselves while they are with you. So me and girl mentioned above in the blog sat down and had a conversation about her promiscuity and her relationships. She said something along the line of
"How can you say I fuck guys over? You don't even know me, not even the slightest bit." I went on to say
"I know you better than you think I do I've been around your type before, and you may not see it as fucking guys over but let me explain" (
I should know, this sounds a lot like someone I used to know, thanks Goyote douche). She goes on to say
"oh yeah?" So I then say
"Okay so you're the type of girl who jumps from guy to guy casually having sex like no big deal. And then occasionally you will keep a guy for around for a little bit until you become emotionally vulnerable. At that very moment you will than bail because you use your unwillingness to open up emotionally as a self defense mechanism." She then interrupts and says
"well your friend doesn't seem to be all that upset/hurt." I then go on to say
"he is one of many that you have done this sort of thing to, and he may not be all that broken up about the whole thing, but there are plenty of guys you have done this to who you have hurt. But because you immediately jump from guy to guy you never take the time to reflect on your previous encounter because you only care about yourself (sounding more and more familiar right? ). So you think your protecting yourself at the expense of others which doesn't seem right. You say you want to settle down and get married? Well when your thirty-three and this behavior is considered socially awkward, you will have slim pickings of a significant other because all the good ones have been taken. So you might as well cut out this behavior now and stop being so promiscuous." She then left the table and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the evening. I wasn't saying this to be malicious or hurtful I was just trying to give her a different perspective. But I guess the truth hurts......
I'm sorry if you see my views as cold, biased, or whatever, I don't care this is my blog don't read it anymore if I offended you. I'm just calling it how I see it. But I too have been in this situation but fortunately for my good friend all he lost was a little bit of pride, which I think he'll get back soon enough.
Sincerely, Michael R. Dominick
